By
Mwizenge S. Tembo, Ph. D.
Professor of Sociology
Author of “The Bridge” a Trans-Atlantic Romance Adventure Novel
Introduction
A man was admitted to Livingstone Central Hospital after having one liter of blood drained from his manhood to relieve him of a three-day erection. The attending UTH urologist Dr Michael Silumbe had advised men who have sexual problems to seek medical attention instead of resorting to taking aphrodisiac substances. Dr. Silumbe had further said the lengthy erection suffered by the Livingstone man was due to priapism and could lead to erectile dysfunction.
“Priapism is a condition where an erection lasts more than four hours. A normal erection should not last that long. This leads to the reduction of oxygen floor to the tissues and also leads to acidosis, meaning more acid gets to the tissues and could damage the muscles if not corrected in time,” Dr. Silumbe said. (The Post, Sunday July 21, 2013)
The man in this story was 36 years old and was apparently on separation from his wife and had gone to see a girlfriend. Fortunately, the story ended well for the man as he was given medical treatment and he apparently recovered.
The purpose of this article is to provide some informal advice to Zambian men on how they can have the best sex without necessarily resorting to taking modern or traditional aphrodisiacs. I do not claim to be an expert sexologist but I have lived long and gained enough knowledge to offer advice to younger and even older Zambian men.
But before we proceed, a few ground rules. This article intends to be respectful. Therefore, it will avoid use of explicit anatomical language which often reduces a man sharing one of the most special fulfilling private social actions with a woman, into a cheap short meaningless physical activity. If you want to know the various biological parts of a female and a male to gain some basic sexual education, this is not the purpose of this article. If you would like to know those clinical details read a textbook in reproductive biology, human anatomy and physiology or some of the numerous manuals on how to have sex.
Nomenclature
In this article we will use metaphors; a man’s private part will be called “Nthonga”. Sex between the two partners will be called: “making love”. When the two make love and reach the point of such pleasure that the man feels like he will die, that will be called “crossing the bridge of no return”. When the man successfully crosses the bridge with his partner, he will then have “delivered the goods through his Nthonga”. The discussions are divided into three parts: boys and young men between 14 and 17 years old, men between the age of 18 to 40 years old, and men between the age of 40 to 90 years plus. Lastly the article will describe the most ideal way to make love with a woman.
Foundations of the Best Love Making
The best and most ideal circumstance for very satisfactory love making for all men is to have one partner you are married to or with whom you have a long term committed relationship. Any other arrangement however glamorous or convenient such as one night stands, having sex with numerous women, quickies, visiting prostitutes, and affairs tend to be unsatisfactory and filled with stress and anxiety. The reason is that if you want to truly experience love making and ecstasy at its best, you need the physical, emotional, and the soul to be all involved. This is not possible with temporary partners. If you are married or have a permanent relationship, when you and your partner during love making cross that bridge of no return, you will both experience incredible total complete physical and emotional pleasure or ecstasy.
Boys between 14 and 17 years old
Boys between 14 and 17 years old may be still too young to engage in sex. Although testosterone, and other sexual hormones of puberty may be screaming “sex! sex! sex!”, their bodies and emotions are not yet mature enough to engage in and handle love making. Modern life sexualizes children too early. As a result every boy and girl feels the pressure to have sex when they are not even old enough. During this age boys should avoid looking at pornography. Instead boys should be focusing on school, participating in church activities, sports, games, school clubs, and learning from fathers and older responsible men. If they have a girlfriend, they can go to movies, adult supervised birthday parties with no alcohol, do home work together, talk on the phone, and take walks to parks with other groups of friends. If the boys between this age group rush to have sex, they risk impregnating a girl, contracting sexually transmitted diseases including HIV and 25 other possible sexually transmitted diseases, and developing poor sexual habits that later in life might create problems and make the boy unhappy during marriage as an older man. Good things always happen later in life for boys who wait. The process of waiting is not easy.
Men Between 18 and 40 years old.
If you are a man in this age group, and have any problems getting your Nthoga to rise to that special love making occasion, you should consult a medical doctor to see if there is anything medically wrong. Some of the problems that cause failure of your Nthonga to rise to the occasion are watching or addiction to pornography, anger and resentment of your partner, prescription medications, serious marriage problems and tensions, psychological stress relating to work and family, lack of physical exercise, smoking, excessive drinking of alcohol, and a poor diet that is high in fat. Eating nshima with relish which had little fat may be one of the possible ways to help your Nthonga to rise and also maintain less weight or to fight obesity.
http://www.infobarrel.com/Nshima_Diet_Maintains_Slim_Bodies
Even our wise ancestors knew that a diet excessive in fat can block a man’s blood flow to the veins such that his Nthonga fails to rise during love making in marriage. Naboth Ngulube (1989) in “Some Aspects of Growing Up in Zambia” mentions many traditional taboos including: “Fatty Mice – to boys, girls, and pregnant women – Too much fat would close the way in the Nthonga and render one impotent”. (p. 54) (Nthonga added)
The “New Mulemena Boys” have a song in which a wife is complaining that her husband’s Nthonga does not rise so that they could make love. The wife consulted a traditional healer. After investigation the problem was found to be that the husband always came home late at night drunk from the bar. Alcohol abuse was causing the problem.
Men Between 40 to 90 years plus
If you are a man in this age group, the first thing that will happen is that there might be a noticeable decline in sexual drive or desire. First the production of the men’s sexual hormone testosterone declines the older a man gets. Second, this is often also because most men do not lead perfect lives. All those bad habits such as drinking, divorce, smoking, stresses of work and career, raising children, parental responsibilities, poor diet of eating fatty food, disease including high blood pressure and possible strokes, all begin to have an impact during this period. This is the bad news. The good news is that you now have the wisdom, patience, and capability to change and improve your life. As a result, you will have a better perspective on sex and love making and so does your wife. The two crucial things to keep in mind in order to continue to have a good or improved sexual life are; maintaining physical exercise and a good balanced diet. The Zambian nshima diet may be the best. This brings us to the best and most ideal way for a man to make love.
Ideal Way to Make Love with a Woman
The best or ideal love making needs to have the physical, emotional, and the soul aspects all involved. What does this mean? Love making for men requires first and foremost for his Nthonga to rise in a sustained way. All the physically gratifying vigorous activity demands quite remarkable physical effort equivalent to perhaps running a marathon, 400 meters or running 100 meters dash. All readers would agree that to perform all these quite demanding activities you need to be physically fit and exercise often. Of course you can experience some pleasure in love making if you are not quite physically fit. But it might not completely satisfy you or your wife. Exercising regularly and a good diet are a must.
The emotional aspect may be the force that may be what binds the man and the woman. Loving the woman means you think and care for her all the time every day. You talk to her, hug and hold her, remember special occasions, buy her flowers, tell her what of her perfumes you like on her, you do some cooking of good food, you call her when you are out with your guy friends, you take care of your children, listen to her, laugh with her, and argue and fight with her without physically beating or emotionally intimidating or abusing her.
The Role of the Soul
The crucial role of the soul is probably what most of us may not even be familiar with in love making. This includes erotic feelings and thoughts involving all the senses such as smell, what we see, taste, hear, and touch. It involves the mysterious role of the mind and the spirit. Good love making invokes some of the godliest deepest feelings about our partner and the mystery of the goodness and meaning of life.
Ideal love making may start in the morning as the couple hug or kiss or bid each other goodbye as they embark on the day. During the day, she calls him and says in a secret cryptic message that only both of them know: “kaja kanthu nakonza” (I have prepared that thing). They both are so excited all day. They can’t wait to see each other at home. As the children do homework and dinner is being prepared; the couple exchange tense smiles. They eat a hearty meal. The anticipation is just killing them both. When finally the children are asleep and the bedroom door closes, all hell breaks loose.
They wildly kiss hastily and can’t tear off each other’s clothes quickly enough. They breathe heavily like desperate wounded animals. They switch on the TV to mask loud sounds to come that may wake up the children frightening them. After vigorous love making and crossing the bridge of no return, their bodies shake and tremble from head to toe. The man experiences pleasure not only in his robust Nthonga but an orgasm too in the whole of his body. The couple collapses in each other’s arms with lots of sweat mingled with the engulfing scents of natural aromas. There is a calm serenity over the couple that momentarily takes care of the world’s troubles in their lives. Some couples will have a special snack both of them like to quietly share afterwards.
References
Berkowitz, Bob., What Men Won’t Tell You But Women Need to Know, New York: Avon Books, 1990.
Burton, Sir Richard and Arbuthnot, F. F,. (Transl) The Kamasutra of Vatsyayama, London: George Allen and Unwin Ltd., 1963.
Burton, Sir Richard F., (Transl) The Perfumed Garden of the Shaykh Nefzawi, New York: Kessinger Publishing, Castle Books, n.d
Gilder, George., Men and Marriage, Gretna: Pelican Publishing Company, 1986.
Joe McIlhaney, Jr., Sexuality and Sexually Transmitted Diseases, Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker House, 1990.
Moore, Thomas., The Soul of Sex: Cultivating Life as an Act of Love, New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 1998.
Helmering, Doris Wild., Husbands Wives and Sex: How One Partner Alone Can Change the Dynamics to renew sex, romance, and intimacy, Holbrook, Massachusetts: Bob Adams, Inc., 1990.
Ngulube, Naboth., Some Asepcts of Growing up in Zambia, Lusaka: Nalinga Consultancy/Sol-Consult A/S Limited, 1989.
Nioche, Brigitte., What Turns Men On, New York: New American Library, 1989.
Tembo, Mwizenge S., Satisfying Zambian Hunger for Culture, Xlibris Corporation, 2012
Tembo, Mwizenge S. The Bridge: a Trans-Atlantic Romance and Adventure Novel, New York: Linus Publications, 2013
Witkin-Lanoil, Georgia., The Male Stress Syndrome: How to Recognize and Live With It, New York: Berkley Books, 1986.